never quite there
by aranea-hi-ghwind
Summary: They meet when they are young, they are bound to break each other's hearts. College!au


**Lol this is terrible and my own desire for angst. Okay, bye.**

They meet when she is young and awkward and embarrassing. She sees him passing by when she drops down to tie her shoelace and her eyes hone in own his back—the way it moves under his shirt is like watching porn. She looks away and curses herself for being so hormonally challenged. Afterwards, Lightning stalks off and hopes some water in her face will keep her calm. She is not an emotionally charged person and wondering why she's so bothered scares her.

She doesn't expect to bump into Back-Shirt-Porn Guy and she stutters out a poor apology. He's kneeling down to pick up his papers and she doesn't help because she doesn't want that cliché romantic comedy scene to play out. So, she watches him scurry off and Lightning heads back to the restroom to splash her face more.

Her roommate, Fang, muses that she looks like a wet dog when she retreats to safety in her dorm. Lightning just laughs it off and hopes she can regain her breathing. Fang throws out an offer to pay for lunch if she tags along for company. Lightning is already out the door because free food conquers all embarrassment.

She forgets all about the incident and Back-Shirt-Porn Guy when Fang and her go to get lunch. Dangling a curly fry between her teeth, Fang goes to refill her cup. Lightning pulls out her phone and checks her various social media accounts. She snorts as she watches some video of a cat drinking out of a cup, the slightest of smirks threatening to spread across her pink lips.

It attracts the attention of a passerby and she feels eyes on her. Lightning nervously looks up, and wants to cringe.

"Hey, have we met before?"

"Uh."

They meet when he is young and naive and bright. He sees her in the food court, laughing at some video on her phone and hopes he doesn't seem strange for recognizing her.

He asks if she is alone and she stares at the food across from her and he looks at a girl refilling a cup. She nods with a strained smile on her lips and he realizes this is his cue to go.

Noctis scratches his head and apologizes for not apologizing early when he bumped into her. She waves her hand in nonchalance and tells him not to worry. But, Noctis always worries and Prompto has told him it's his most annoyingly endearing trait. So, Noctis waits until the other girl returns before leaving because he doesn't think a girl like her should ever be alone.

As he walks away, he wonders why he cares that much.

 **•**

He's stumbling (horribly) over his words when she walks in and he's practically crushing his plastic cup. Prompto looks at him like he's an idiot because Noctis's been acting like an idiot for about four months. Prompto is not oblivious—a self-proclaimed ladies's man and genius—and he knows his "best friend" is tumbling down the deep, dark abyss that is love's pitfall. The blonde genius tells his nervous friend to get over it but, his words fall on deafened ears.

"Do I look okay?" He responds.

Prompto rolls his blue eyes in slight amusement and mutters, "You're hopeless..." He leaves, going to see if any girls need someone to dance with at the party. Noctis doesn't know what to say or do so he sets his drink down and wipes his hands on his jeans.

She's alone and she's wearing nothing that the other girls are, she looks more ready to go on a road trip than to a frat party. She's searching the sea of people and Noctis thinks he should retreat backwards.

She parts through the grinding couples and drunk partygoers and he watches as she is yelling at one of the people he recognizes as Cid Raines, who'd been playing tonsil hockey with a college freshmen with as much dignity in her as clothing on her body. There's a shrill yell above the music and a resounding smack and she's storming out of the house with a glare that's melting a path to the door.

And he chases her because, he knows he loves that girl. Because she had been wearing a band t-shirt that said _Balamb Garden_ (his favorite band, to be specific) on it and even though she's probably heartbroken, he is in love.

•

He doesn't take her home to sleep with her—well, he doesn't intend to sleep with her or anything with her, actually. It's just that her arms coiled around his chest and her even breathing has trapped him in her clutches. She had drunk herself silly after storming out and he didn't know where she was living so he just brought her to his place.

He didn't intend to sleep with her but, she was just so damn adorable wrapped in his sheets and he supposed that as long as all his intentions were pure that she wouldn't rip him a new one in the morning.

She's adorably full of hungover rage when she's throwing pillows at him in the morning. He's enamored with her groggy rage and he explains what happened last night. Lightning grips her bangs and apologizes and then she's silent because it's hitting her that she's heartbroken. Noctis lets her be and after what seems like a whole lifetime (and he can't bear to look at her on the verge of tears anymore) he offers food.

Lightning looks up and he's never quite seen a person go from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other so quickly at the mention of nachos.

But, it makes him swoon.

•

She slept in his bed all the time.

She laid in his arms all the time.

She spent long, drunken nights with him all the time.

And then, she didn't. Months passed and she dated and moved on from Cid. She moved on from Noel when she met Caius and that's when it began.

Caius Ballad was like a cancer. He would disappear and Noctis would think he'd be free of him and then Lightning would go missing—back to that purple-haired egomaniac. Noctis would wait, patiently, And Lightning would return with regret, knocking on Noctis's door hoping to find a welcoming smile and a plate of pancakes.

He would oblige because she was the girl he loved. And no matter how many times she broke his heart, he'd wait for her. It was her melodic laugh that made him forgive her, it was her eyes, it was her absolutely pink hair, it was the way she could flip a guy over her should with no effort.

Piling up the pancakes, he got the syrup for her and she thanked him in Pulsian because she knew he liked how Fang was teaching her another language.

 **•**

He wakes up before the sun rises, waits for the light to reach the windows and notices how the sun freckles her alabaster skin, giving new meaning to sun-kissed. She snuggles into the spot where he was and for a moment, his chest isn't aching. He believes it's these moments he'll think best of her, even if it's brief. He hopes that she'll think of him when she's gone, knowing exactly the type of girl she is. He knows that holding Lightning to him is like trying to catching her namesake in a bottle and that makes him reach out and trace out shapes on her sides.

Her tank top rode up and he wants to fix it for her and he wants to wake her up and tell her not to go but, she'd hate that. She'd hate him for it. Instead, Noctis lays back down and relishes in the closeness, the smell of the mint-eucalyptus lotion she slathers gratuitously on when she gets out from a shower. He realizes that he'll never not think of her when he catches the aroma in the air.

He wants to kiss every sun sprinkle on her skin but, that'd be insane. Overstepping the boundaries that had been set up to ensure the safest route for both their hearts. So, he settles for watching her breathe softly on his pillow, just a fingertip length away. He hates that she is leaving tomorrow and this is their last day together for a long, long time.

He wants to wrap his arms around her waist and slip into oblivion and not let her go because it's not fair that he has to watch her go. It's not fair that she doesn't care about he'll feel tomorrow (or so he thinks she doesn't, why else would he abandon him?) Noctis clenches his jaw and places the lightest of pecks on her forehead, a kiss that she'd allow because it was just her best friend showing affection to her. Nothing more.

 **•**

Lightning doesn't understand why he's telling her now. She doesn't understand why he's got his arms around her and he's begging her not to go. She doesn't understand why she isn't listening to him and she doesn't do anything about her best friend confessing love for her. She can't muster the courage or dignity to answer him and all she can do when he pulls away is blink owlishly.

He pulls away afraid he'll crush her and wants her to kiss him because he can't bring himself to do it. He doesn't want to kiss her without her consent. He wants her to love him fully and not just kiss him because she feels an obligation to his hurt ego.

But, she doesn't and Lightning is walking through the terminal when she realizes she should've kissed him.

•

She wasn't happy. She wasn't happy when she returned after a year and then some. Hope look a little older, Serah was practically crying, her longest standing friend, Fang was almost done with her college degree, and her brother-in-law had grown out a ridiculous mustache. These changes didn't make her upset. No, it was when she went to visit her best confidante and finds him making heart eyes at some blonde across from him. She hesitates for a moment and wonders if she should interrupt. So, she doesn't and instead waits for him to finish his date.

He calls her when she is getting settled into her new apartment, and is practically bursting her eardrums. He's rambling and going on and on about how angrily (but not really) he is for her not seeing him! And she smiles because she has missed the sound of his voice and the smell of vanilla and fresh linens and his rants about _how unnecessary the dramatic cinematography was in some obscure French film._

Lightning almost wishes she didn't hear the end of his breathless phone call. "I met someone, you have to meet her, Light."

•

Lightning almost cringes when she sees him in the finest suit she'd ever seen him in and with his dopey smile on his face. He's giving her the same look he used to give her when they were younger all those years ago. Though, she forces a grin and gives him a thumbs up and he takes it to heart.

Lightning wonders if this was how he felt when she so obliviously flaunted her exes in front of him. She wonders if she should've appreciated all the hours he'd clocked in when they were together. She smiles when he asks her if he looks like a tight ass and she robotically responds, "You've look like a tight ass."

"I've got a tight ass, thank you very much. But, nice, thanks, that's the look I was going for actually."

She gives him the final okay and walks out with as much of her sanity intact. She strides down the hallway and curses her dress and wishes Luna hadn't asked her to wear such an awful bridesmaid dress. She wished Luna didn't ask her at all. In fact, she wished she had jumped off a cliff.

So, when the ceremony ends and the reception begins and all the dances start, Lightning waits at her seat and watching the first dance that should've been hers. The rose haired woman is downing her glasses of champagne like water and by the time she has enough in her system to function at this event, she is being asked for a dance. Lightning looks up and it's the same eyes she never thought to think up a name for their color and the smile she never appreciated enough. He offers his hand and sweetly asks, "Dance with me?"

"Of course."

The song is slow but she recognizes its trumpet. She smiles as it's the song she joked about when they were choosing first dance songs when they planned her fake wedding one drunken college night. She hums along and places her head on his chest and closes her eyes, imagining it to be true.

But the song ends too soon and she has to wake up from her swaying trance.

He thanks her and she wants to say it so badly. Say that she loves him but, then everyone would hate her and Lightning couldn't bring herself to pull such a selfish move. He looks down at her and she wishes it was like this forever and yet, a sweet voice draws his attention elsewhere. His eyes light up with the love that should've been hers and she has to let go. Lightning lets Luna take his arms and she retreats back to her seat.

And wants to rip her heart out because if this is what truly unrequited love felt like, then she wished she'd been born without a heart.

 **•**

Noctis looks at Lightning like he did the first time he say her and even though he's married now, he can't help but imagine Lightning in white. And he knows it's terrible and he shouldn't do it. Luna asks him where his head is and he looks at Luna like the first he had seen her.

Noctis is reeled back in to reality and remembers that he does love his wife, placing a kiss on her lips.

He just wishes she was someone else right now.

 ** _When you press me to your heart, I'm in a world apart—a place where roses bloom._**


End file.
